Another Year Older

I turn 33 today and I am excited!  32 was a kind of a rough year for me and I feel like I aged 10 years over the course of 1.  I don't know exactly why, but I think it has a little something to do with being a mommy of two little darlins who are only 18 months apart.  It's exhausting raising children and definitely much more challenging than I thought it would be.  I worry a lot (yes, I know that is hard to believe, hahaha) especially about if I am doing this whole parenting thing right and raising sisters who will love each other and always be there for one another.  And when I am not worrying, I am trying to keep the peace and/or referee the latest UFC toddler match up.

I know...it's sad but I just couldn't resist. :) Don't worry she snapped out of it kind of quickly

It's not always easy being a mommy and a wife but I wouldn't trade it for a thing.  I have the life I always dreamed about and as I sit here alone listening to the new John Mayer album enjoying the quiet because Jeff took the girls on an adventure, I am able to fully recognize and be grateful for that.  It's easy to go about every day wrapped up in the mundane tasks of life but then something happens and you get a wake up call.  That happened a few times over the past year for me.

Last fall I finally admitted to myself that I needed to get help for the depression I had been struggling with for many years.  I didn't realize how bad I felt until after Carly was born and I was super stressed, extremely emotional, and very impatient....all personality traits that are not the norm for me.  I knew I wasn't being the kind of mom I wanted to be and missing out on special time that I would never get back.  Thanks to two very dear friends who watch the girls and my wonderful supportive husband, I have been able to go to counseling and get treatment for my depression.  It was the most important decision I made last year and thanks to it I feel like a new person!  My depression is something I haven't shared with too many people but now as I look back on this past year I realize how impacting it was for my family and how important it was for me to get help.  I also know how comforting it was to know I was not alone in the way I was feeling which is why I have decided to share it now....on my 33rd birthday.  Like I said....it's going to be a good year!

Jeff and I also got a big wake up call when his biological mom passed away a few weeks ago.  It was a huge shock and something we were not expecting.  Grandma Maryann loved our girls so much and even though she only got to meet them once, she adored seeing pictures, hearing stories, and talking to them on the phone.

In many ways she was the kind of grandma I imagine my mom would have been and we are really going to miss her.   Losing someone you love is always a good reminder that life is short and that we need to make the most out of every day we have on this earth.   I have had that reminder too much in my life which is why I know this is going to be a good year and I am going to make the most of it!