Monday, May 31, 2010

Life is About to Change

Katie is off schedule and taking a morning nap which she hasn't done in a while so I am taking advantage of the time and getting caught up on some blogging. I am 36 1/2 weeks along and I feel like baby Carly could come into this world any day now. While I want her to keep "baking" for a few more weeks, I am also ready for this pregnancy to be over. It's hard being this pregnant while also being mommy to a 17 month old. I want my body back or at least a somewhat normal body back. I know it is going to take me longer and be more work to get back into the same shape I was before Katie was born, but I am ready to start trying. I am also ready to meet this precious little girl and have our Garner family complete.

The month of June will be a wonderfully busy one as Jeff and I will celebrate our 3 year wedding anniversary on the 9th, I will turn 31 on the 7th, and at some point this month we will celebrate the birth of our second daughter. Luckily, I am feeling much more prepared now after Jeff's vacation week. We accomplished a lot and if Carly were to come today we would be ready.

As I become a mommy to my second precious baby girl, I am constantly reminded of the loss of my mom and the grandma my girls will never know. This past week I was at a workshop for work and the presenter played a song from an album titled "Between Heaven and Earth". The name of the song was Better than I've Ever Been and the lyrics made me cry because it spoke to me so closely.

(People say) that I'll never be the same
That's true-no doubt
But I know more now what life is about

I laugh louder
Cry harder
Take less time to make up my mind and I
Think smarter
Go slower
I know what I want
And what I don't
I'll be better than I've ever been
Maybe I'll be better than I've ever been.

There's a curious freedom
Rising up from the dark
Some kind of strength I've never had

Though I'd trade it in a second
To have you back
I gotta try to make some good out of the bad.

While I never wanted to lose my mom and I wish with all my heart that she could be here today, I know that I am stronger person because of this experience and I really am "better than I've ever been".

1 comment:

eLiZaBeTh said...

okay, now I am the one who is crying. To suffer a loss like you have and to handled it with such grace...I admire you. Your Mom is proud of you, I just know it.

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